"They Have to Want It." "They Have to Hit Rock Bottom." Here's Why That's Not the Whole Truth.
Over the last 15 years, I've had hundreds of conversations with families in crisis. Parents fighting to get a child into the program. Kids trying to get a parent in. Siblings fighting for someone they love. And the question I hear more than any other is this: How do you know when someone is ready, and how do you convince them to get help? Because everyone can see it, except the one person who actually needs it.
People will tell you two things about that. Both are half-true. Let me push back on them, because I've lived the other half.
Myth 1: "They have to hit rock bottom."
People say the person has to want it for themselves. I agree. But then they add that the person has to hit rock bottom first, or they'll just keep going. I don't believe that, and my own story is why.
When I reached out for help, I was not at rock bottom. Honestly, I felt like I had a lot more in me. I had multiple runs left. What changed wasn't that I ran out of road.
"Jesus is the rock. And when He's ready, He becomes your rock bottom, your foundation. You don't have to wait for someone to lose everything first."
Myth 2: "But they don't even believe in God."
Families tell me this all the time. The person I'm praying for, my spouse, my kid, doesn't believe in God. Here's my answer: neither did I.
"Nobody believes in God before they believe in God. But God believes in them."
I say that to give you hope. If your loved one is still out there running wild, still denying, still angry, it's okay. God can still reach them. You can still get them help. Their unbelief is not the wall you think it is.
What You Actually Can Do: Plant the Seed
Here is the most important thing you can do, so hear me. Plant the seed. But timing is everything.
Not when you're furious. Not when you catch them high, or find the drugs, and threaten them in the heat of it. That frustration is human and you're going to feel it, but that's not the moment. The real, lasting help lands after the high has worn off, when the shame and the guilt come rushing in. That's when you tell them you love them and that you'll be there.
"I love you enough to tell you the truth. You need to get some help. I want to help you help yourself."
Then you offer a real path. Maybe it's a rehab, maybe outpatient, maybe a counselor or therapy, maybe all the way to what we offer, a free one-year discipleship home. You say: I did my homework, I found this place, and I hope you'll at least take it into consideration.
What I've watched happen, over and over, is that God starts shutting doors in their life until the only one left open is the one you offered.
Stop Enabling. Put Up Boundaries.
At the same time, you have to stop the enabling. You have to put up boundaries, because the truth is hard: they are killing themselves, and they will take you with them, invading your mind at all hours, worrying you sick. You can only do what you can do. Plant the seed, love them, and protect yourself.
A Word About Ultimatums
Sometimes you're so fed up you land on an ultimatum. I'll leave you if you don't get help. I've seen it from wives and from husbands both. I know that feeling from the receiving end. Before we were married, my wife Sarah told me I wasn't going to see my son if I didn't get help.
So I went, to a rehab in Florida. I was on pills, and they actually said, you're not even doing heroin yet, why are you here? They prescribed me more medicine than I was taking on the streets. I went because of the ultimatum, and the thought of not seeing my son scared me. But here's the hard truth: ultimatum-driven change doesn't last. It doesn't become real change until it's what you want, on the inside.
The Window Is Short, So Do Your Homework Now
This is why the research matters before you ever need it. When someone finally says, "okay, I want help," that window is very short. If they've been using and they sober up for a moment, you may have hours, not days. So find the organizations now. Know which places take their insurance, or have the money set aside, or get our one-year intake process started, so that the instant they say yes, you can move.
How I Finally Went
I was out of my mind, overdosing, still convinced I had more in me. Then someone sent me a Facebook message about a home in Fort Worth, Texas. And when the time was right, I just knew. I called my mom and said, "I'm ready to go." She'd never fully cut me off, but she was worn down, out of ideas for a son who wouldn't help himself. The second I said I found a place, she said, "I'll take you right now."
I'll be honest with you, because I'm honest about it in my book: on the way, I bought two Xanax bars and a beer to take the edge off the anxiety. Then I packed my bags and we drove to Fort Worth. That was the day my whole life changed. I got saved there, graduated, and started running my own home. I've done it ever since.
I've seen every case you can imagine. People sentenced to the home. Wives threatening divorce. People who lost everything, people who overdosed. I've seen things work and things not work. But more than anything, I've learned this: when a person is truly ready, you strike while the iron is hot.
Can't do a one-year home? Start here. Not everyone can commit to a year, so I wrote a book, 30 Days to Freedom. Each chapter comes out of what changed my life inside the home, timeless principles paired with both the psychology of how our minds work (limiting beliefs, labels) and what the Word of God says. It's not just for addicts, it's for anyone facing depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or just needing a reboost in their faith. There's a free chapter and PDF at everywherealways.co, the physical book is on Amazon, and a video "recovery intensive" course walks through it day by day.
If This Is You
Don't get discouraged because your loved one isn't at rock bottom, and don't let their unbelief steal your hope. Your job is to provide the opportunity and plant the seed. God's job is to do the work, to draw them near and turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh.
If you're carrying this tonight, start with our free guide for families. And when the window opens, we're ready.
Get help now. It's free, a real person answers day or night, and it starts with one call. (325) 232-5449.
This home stays free because of people like you.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction or thoughts of suicide, you are not alone and help is available. Rise Discipleship's 24/7 helpline is (325) 232-5449.
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